'True friends do not force beggar yourself pay them': Mooching roommate asks friend to cover rent and utilities for 2 months, refuses to look for a new job

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 16, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Finding a job can be a rough gig, especially when you're just starting out. The amount of viable jobs available is not as high as you'd like it to be, and every posting gets thousands and thousands of applicants. So some of us end up being unemployed for longer than we'd like. And in times like that, we might feel like our only option is turning to our friends for help. But doing this is never as simple as it seems.

 Taking money from people you know always comes with strings attached, and they're usually emotional strings. They might end up resenting you for being needy, or their financial situation might change and stop being able to support you. So it's a situation that's best avoided at all costs. And money is always there to be made, if you're willing to work in the service industry or retail. But one man wasn't quite up to that, and it strained his friendships. Read on for the story. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10428192512
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for Refusing to Cover My Friend's Rent After She's Been Paying for Our Roommate's Share for 2 Months?
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 03
    Alright, here's the deal: 1 (22F) have been living with my best friend (23F) and two other roommates for about a year now. Everything started out fine, but it's all gotten a bit messy lately.
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 04
    One of our roommates (24M) lost his job about two months ago. He's still been looking for work, but he's been getting by by asking my best friend to cover his portion of the rent and utilities. She has a full-time job and could technically afford to do this for a while, but she's still been asking me and the other roommate to help with our share of things too, as she can't pay the full rent on her own.
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 05
    I totally get that people go through tough times, and I get that he's trying to find work-but here's where it starts to feel off: He's not really doing enough to help himself. He's been taking casual gigs here and there, but it's not like he's putting in the kind of effort needed to really get a stable job. He's been living off the generosity of my best friend, and honestly, it's starting to feel like she's enabling him rather than him actually trying to get his life together.
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 06
    I've talked to her about it, and she says it's not a big deal because he's her friend, and she doesn't mind helping him out. But I told her that I'm not comfortable with her paying for someone's rent who isn't making enough of an effort to help themselves. I also told her that I can't keep carrying the extra weight if things don't change, because I'm already struggling to make ends meet, too.
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 07
    Last night, I told her that I'm done contributing to this situation. If he doesn't start pitching in for rent soon, then I think he should move out. It's not my responsibility to pick up the slack just because he's a 'friend' of hers, especially if he's not taking steps to improve his situation. I told her that I can't help her cover for someone who isn't showing any signs of working toward a solution.
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 08
    She was devastated. She said I was being cold-hearted and that I was being selfish. She told me I'm acting like I don't care about him and that true friends support each other, even when it's hard. Now, some of our mutual friends are backing her up, saying that I'm being too harsh and that I'm not being a good friend by not helping out.
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 09
    I'm really torn because I want to support my best friend, but I also don't think it's my responsibility to keep this going. Am I being unreasonable? AITA for not wanting to contribute to this situation anymore and telling him to move out if he doesn't start paying his share?
    via u/Ok-Mood-469
  • 10
    East... • 22h ago • Edited 20h ago True friends do not mooch. True friends do everything within their power to get an income (door dash, Uber eats, MacDs......) whilst looking for something more long term. True friends do not agree to fund someone else and then get others to provide money too.
    via u/East_Parking8340
  • 11
    True friends do not force you to beggar yourself to pay for them. True friends do not get vicious when the truth is voiced. If these others are so disconcerted by you not wanting to pay for someone else's expenses (especially when it's hard enough to cover your own costs) they should put their money where their mouth is and pay for him themselves.
    via u/East_Parking8340
  • 12
    Eastern_Condition863 • 22h ago. NTA. It's not sustainable. She's robbing Peter to pay Paul. If she's okay with the arrangement and wants to help out her friend, then SHE needs to be the one to pay HER share AND his. Not then turn around and dip into your pockets because she's now broke.
    via u/Eastern_Condition863
  • 13
    And for the record, your allowed to be selfish when it comes to your money. Especially when you're barely making ends meet yourself. Don't rob Peter to pay Paul and don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
    via u/Eastern_Condition863
  • 14
    slap-a-frap .22h ago • NTA No one, and I mean no one, - gets to tell you where your money should go. Now, some of our mutual friends are backing her up, saying that I'm being too harsh and that I'm not being a good friend by not helping out.
    via u/slap-a-frap
  • 15
    The next one who says that you "should" help out, send them a $500 (or however much is needed by him to pay for his bills, rent for that month) Venmo request with the note "Paying for (insert name)'s rent" and see how fast they WON'T pay and you can respond with, "I've been helping him out for this long and since it means so much to you to come after me for not helping any more, I figured you'd want to put your wallet where your mouth is and be a good friend".
    via u/slap-a-frap
  • 16
    AlleyOKK93 22h ago NTA; let the friends trying to shame you help him. That's all I would respond to them with; "if that's how you feel I'll let him know your happy to contribute to him financially" and watch how fast they don't have the money to help either
    via u/AlleyOKK93
  • 17
    anothertypicalcmmnt 22h ago • I'm confused. Are you paying more than your usual share of rent/utilities, because he doesn't have a steady paycheck?
    via u/anothertypicalcmmnt
  • 18
    Less_Environment7243 22h ago • NTA Both your friend and her friend are AH's though. Your friend has agreed to pay more than she can afford and is now looking for you to put your money where her mouth is. The other fella, well, if you can't pay rent you can't live in the apartment. It's as simple as that.
    via u/Less_Environment7243
  • 19
    Freeverse711 • 22h ago • NTA. All those friends that are telling you that you are being harsh can all pay the roommate not workings share then. Bet they'll change their tune really fast when they're asked to start helping pay.
    via u/Freeverse711
  • 20
    Nikosma 22h ago • NTA - you have to put yourself first in this situation. She is enabling him. He can find a job, all you have to go do is apply. Restaurants and Retail always need people. That's what you do when you have to....
    via u/Nikosma
  • 21
    Finding a decent job can take up to 6 months to a year right now depending on the industry. In the meantime, you have to hustle. In the long run, years from now, he probably won't remember the generosity, and it could put you in a lot of debt.
    via u/Nikosma
  • 22
    Fairy FartDaydreams • 22h ago NTA don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. He needs to get a job or get out. You are not his mommy and neither is your friend. 2 months is too long without a job. He can go to a restaurant or Walmart and now with the holidays coming most stores are probably hiring. The enabling needs to end
    via u/FartDaydreams

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friendship best friends job roommate living together money problems bad roommates friends reddit story rent paying rent job search reddit thread Reddit roommates unemployment money unemployed
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